And Then It Was 2013…The Year Of Trust

I was recently on the phone with a friend who I haven’t talked to for the better part of 6 months and both her and I were discussing the travails of long-distance friendships. Towards the end of that I noted that these types of friendships in my experience tend to have ebbs and flows so it’s not that one person has forgotten you or simply doesn’t care but that they might genuinely be busy (life gets busy…go figure!). She totally understood and we both made the goal of trying to talk again and hopefully sooner.

This leads me to my point, blogs are the same way! The last post was in November (good grief!) and much has changed for this family since then (hence the long delay). Joe and I are expecting our second child, a little girl. My son, J., has been identified with fine/gross motor delays and after some testing it was determined that he has spastic Cerebral Palsy, which is futher complicated by hemiparesis(weakness/rigidity) on one side of the body (his left). All of this is mild and he is very capable, bright and active and we have every reason to expect him to be like any other child without these impairments. Spring has arrived and so has our sense of creativity for cultivating the outdoors with yummy food and beautiful flowers. I have left one job and taken on a very part-time home business which has been a wonderfully empowering experience at a time when I need to feel in control of something. Joe’s job is shifting yet again and with a promotion and new hires at the office we are eager to see where the Lord and the next year will take us. Many other things go on nearly every day, from playgroups to physical/occupational therapy to getting together with friends. We stay busy here!

Needless to say the past 6 months or so have been transforming emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. All fronts so to speak, and we are weathering it well right now, but you never know what’s around the corner. In this time of change for our family I’ve been taking time reflecting and have noted a theme in our lives that makes me excited, and slightly anxious, and that’s Trust. Joe and I have been trusting one another more and relying on each other even more as we continue to move through the muddy waters of finding clear answers to J.’s condition and the fear/guilt/blame that can come with it. J. is learning to trust others as he interacts more with those around him and is blooming in a beautiful way socially, it’s been a real joy to watch. Our family is trusting the Lord for our continued growth, health, safety and spritual guidence. Something else I realized but almost missed the point was that trust also means giving oneself over to another, letting go of control and being completely vulnerable. It’s scary, especially with so much change, and it’s unnerving but also so desparately wanted and needed right now, not just to trust each other but in this case to trust God. Without that giving over of ourselves to each other, to our friends and to God we would be rather pitiful right now. Fear would creep in, we’d be paralysed and isolated, unable to help ourselves, our child, our community around us (yes a little rambling here…).

Frankly, as I thought about this more and the fact that it’s already 2013, I realized that God has been moving in our lives and has prepared us to trust, not just Him but our family and friends. It’s never been more apparent then now, that trust, as simple as it seems, is not simple at all. It requires practice and risk even. So as we’ve moved into this new year we have a lot of trust in God, our family and our friends. We believe that the birth of our daughter will be amazing, and having her in our family will only enrich us and encourage us to trust God even more. I’d be lying if I didn’t say, intially, that J.’s diagnosis didn’t instill a strong sense of trust, or that fear didn’t creep in or that there wasn’t a good amount of paralysis from that fear. I can even say I withdrew a bit, just so emotionally drained and mentally fatigued (not to mention the battle with daily morning, noon and night sickness) so perhaps physically as well. It’s not an easy thing to sit back, take a deep breath and start to trust. I prayed and the trust came, it wasn’t what I asked for, I asked for this to be temporary, to just be a delay or to be a mistake all together that somehow my son was just being lazy even (which he totally isn’t!) but I got trust instead. I got trust to when we found this out around the same time as we found out our second child was with us. Joe and I got a good dose of “trust in me” from God when more diagosis came, I needed to leave my PT job and start physical and occupational therapy with our son. Trust came yet again in Joe’s job as it seems the sands have shifted once more and he is navigating the new dynamics that are forming.

Good grief…lots of trust and frankly I don’t think we would have gotten very far without it. So there it is, we are actively trusting many people and God as well. It’s not easy to remember to do, but we are making an effort and it’s paying off in a multitude of ways!

And now that this novel that I have written is here, I think I’ll end with a Thank You to all who have been thinking of us, praying for us and providing wonderful words of support as we move forward! It’s been great and lifts us up a little bit each time we hear from someone!

J. is helping his dad put together the tool bench that was a gift from Christmas! He’s having a blast  poking at the screws 🙂

 

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